By: Taylor Cain
I look down at my watch as it turns 6:30 pm. It’s time for my daughter to take a bath. The tub starts to fill up, and she splashes her little hands as I wash her hair with her foamy shampoo. She grins. Her black hair sticks up straight like Alfalfa’s from The Little Rascals. She loves the acoustics of our bathroom and loves to let out little jolly screeches. Her mom comes in to dry her off. We all look in the mirror as her one budding tooth shines while the others are waiting to break through. Our bedtime routine has just begun.
Callie and I have been parents for a year now, and while we are still very new to being parents, we deeply desire to help train any children the Lord gives to us in the practice of spiritual disciplines. So, our bedtime routine for our daughter started when our little girl turned three months old. For parents with busy schedules or multiple kids (or all of the above), bedtime can feel like wartime. Comedian Jim Gaffigan has commented in a standup sketch that, “Bedtime for children is like negotiating a hostage situation in reverse. I'll give you anything if you'll stay in there!" It sounds funny, but I can imagine our more seasoned parents have witnessed this quote as reality. While bedtime routines can be chaotic or challenging, we must remember the nursery is where spiritual disciplines for our kids are formed.
Here are four habits we have formed with our daughter before her bedtime. I hope you would not see these habits as binding on you, but I share them to serve as an encouragement to you and your family.
We read Christian historical, fictional, and biblical stories to her.
While her mother dries her off, I read a story from her storybook Bible, from church history, or from a Christian fictional book.[i] She is not aware of what I am reading to her yet, but she will occasionally look over at me and smile as I read. We use this time to ingest sound doctrinal material for ourselves, too. Currently, we are reading through The Reformation ABCs by Stephen Nichols. She probably does not have the faintest clue who John Calvin is or who the French Huguenots were, but one day she will. We are hopeful that, if the Lord wills, the daily routine of reading solid, biblical truth will turn into a spiritual discipline for her.
We read a passage of Scripture and sing.
We use the Hymns of Grace hymnbook, which includes passages of Scripture that match the theme of the songs we sing. I will read through the passage while Callie combs our daughters hair. We stand together to sing one or two verses from our hymnbook. There are quite a few awkward moments when we forget the tune or when drool covers the verse we’re about to sing. Our hope is one day our daughter will join us, and, Lord willing, we will even have a little nursery choir one day. Reading Scripture and singing biblical songs sets our children up to have echoes of truth ring in their hearts and ears for years to come.
We pray for her, and I give her a kiss.
I kneel down next to the rocking chair where my wife is holding our daughter, and I pray. These prayers are by no means long. However, these prayers are not rehearsed prayers, either. I usually pray through the passage we read and include some of the elements of the hymns that we sang together. Then, at the end of the prayer, I give her a kiss and tell her, “I love you.” Lastly, I will give her mother a kiss and make my way out of the bedroom. I give my little girl a kiss because I want her to know as she grows older that her daddy cares for her. Her dad loves her. Tony Evans explains, “Hugs and kisses aren’t only good for your children’s hearts; they’re also good for their heads.”[ii]
Her mother sings our daughter’s bedtime song, and I clean up the home.
It’s 7:00 pm. I leave Callie and our daughter in the bedroom, and I head to the kitchen to finish cleaning up the dishes from dinner. Callie is with our daughter the majority of the day. She often works about ten hours a week at the private Christian school up the road. Managing the home while I am at work and juggling a part-time job can be overwhelming for her. This is why I choose to take the fifteen minutes that she spends singing to our daughter to take care of the physical needs within our home. I include this because it’s my desire to serve my family beyond the times where my daughter is watching. She sees me praying at the dinner table. She sees me reading to her in her room.
We need our children to know they are being cared for even when they are not able to watch us. Eventually she will be more attuned to what goes on while she is asleep. I want her to know that her dad and mom care for her and for one another while she sleeps. It reminds me of the passage in Psalm 3:5, “I lay down and slept; I woke again, for the LORD sustained me.” We have a Father who cares for us throughout the night. While we need to eventually hit the hay before our children wake up, we can be serving them even while they are asleep.
This is our night time routine. It’s not perfect, and each family will likely do things differently. However, we hope you will be encouraged to find consistent and creative ways to cultivate helpful habits for your children before bedtime.
[i] Recommendations: The Big Picture Story Bible by David Helm, The Biggest Story by Kevin DeYoung, The Garden the Curtain and the Cross by Carl Laferton.