The Lord’s Day Gathering and Kids
The Principle
In his book, The Duties of Parents, J.C. Ryle lists seventeen principles for parents who seek to raise their children “in the training and instruction of the Lord.”[1] Ryle’s seventh principle is this: “Train them to habits of diligence, and regularity about public means of grace.” By the “public means of grace,” Ryle means the local church gathered on the Lord’s day to sing and pray and hear God’s word.
Ryle explains the importance of this principle in this way:
“Tell your children about the duty and privilege of going to the house of God and joining in the prayers of the congregation. Tell them that wherever the Lord’s people are gathered together, the Lord Jesus is present there in a special manner, and that those who remove themselves must expect, like the apostle Thomas, to miss a blessing. Tell them of the importance of hearing the Word preached, which is God’s way to convert, sanctify, and build up the souls of men, for faith comes from hearing, and hearing by the word of Christ (Romans 10:17). Tell them how the apostle Paul directs us not to forsake the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is (Hebrews 10:25), but to exhort one another and encourage one another – and so much more as we see the day approaching.”[2]
As our church transitions into a single gathering on the Lord’s day, we will likely have more children present in the sanctuary than before. This is an opportunity to take Ryle’s principle seriously and to practice the Scriptural command to “repeat [these words] to your children.”[3]
This is an opportunity for our church to be intentional in how we welcome kids into our gathered worship. They will not automatically be able to sing every word of every song, to sit quietly when appropriate, and to focus on the sermon. These are capacities we hope to develop and strengthen in our kids because these are capacities that God uses for our spiritual health and, by His grace, salvation.
The world in which our kids are growing up is not designed for lengthening and strengthening attention spans. Training our kids to pay attention in gathered worship is an opportunity for parents and the whole congregation to push against this trend. Even if we don’t require our kids to report on what they heard during the sermon, we should expect them to be able to listen well.
One of our chief goals is “listening well.” While a four-year-old probably won't be able to follow an entire sermon, neither will a fourteen-year-old unless their habit of attention has been trained. A short attention span may be appropriate in a very young child, but it is normal to develop that capacity as we mature. When our kids have spent their entire lives in a world rich in distractions, we cannot take this ability for granted. Having kids in service will be a marathon, not a sprint. It will look different in different seasons of life and parenting.
As we set out on this new season together as a church, the pastors of Liberty Baptist Church would like to say, “This will not be easy, but we trust it will be worthwhile.”
The Practice
J.C. Ryle knew this wouldn’t be automatic or easy. He wrote, “The minds of young people are easily distracted, and their attention lost; every possible means should be used to counteract this.”[4]
I’d like to close this short post with a few words of practical advice, both for those with kids and those without.
For Those With Kids
Be patient with your kids. This will take practice, and participating in the Lord’s day gathering may require habits that are new for many of our kids.
Prepare ahead of time. Pack a quiet snack and quiet activities. Arrive more than 5 minutes before service starts so you have time to find a seat without feeling rushed. Frenzied parents often cause frenzied kids.
Set clear expectations. Practice at home, asking kids to sit with quiet bodies and quiet voices for story time or family worship. Let your kids know what is and is not appropriate during worship, then model those expectations for them to see.
Read the sermon passage ahead of time. Pray together on the drive to church.
During service, sit together. Let your kids see you singing, praying, listening, and serving.
Be mindful of your kids’ noise level. Try to avoid noisy toys and snacks. If you can tell they’re being a distraction, quietly take them to the lobby or overflow room to allow others a chance to listen with less distraction. Remind them of expectations and then re-join in the sanctuary!
If you have a child who will need extra help or attention, agree with your spouse ahead of time who will be "on duty" that week for redirection, discipline, or taking them out as needed. Share the load as much as possible between the two of you.
Invite a single church member or a couple without children to join you in your row (if there’s room). Don’t feel embarrassed if you need to ask for help or an extra set of eyes.
After the service, ask your kids what they remember. Talk about songs they liked singing, big words they heard in the sermon, and friends they got to see before and after.
For Those Without Kids
Remember our church covenant. We pledge, together, to “Educate our children in the Christian faith.” Without diminishing the rightful authority parents have over their kids, we recognize that our Lord has entrusted the church, as a whole, with this joyful responsibility.
Offer to sit with a family or ask if there's anything you can do to help them during the service.
Learn kids’ names and greet the kids before and after service. If the kids know you know them, they’ll feel more welcome. If the parents know you know their kids, they’ll also feel more welcome. One of the best ways to learn kids’ names is to get CPP-approved and serve in Liberty Kids.
If you are hoping for children in the future, pay close attention to the parents in the sanctuary. Learn from what they do well.
Pray for the parents and kids in our church. Encourage them and let them know you’ve prayed for them.. Then keep praying.
If You Want to Read More
https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/the-family-together-in-gods-presence
https://www.9marks.org/article/use-your-family-worship-to-prepare-for-corporate-worship/
https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/young-worshipers/
https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/children-worship-plan/
[1] Ephesians 6:4
[2] J.C. Ryle, The Duties of Parents
[3] Deuteronomy 6:7
[4] J.C. Ryle, The Duties of Parents